


I Understand

by Needle_In_A_NeedleStack



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Fluff and Angst, I'm Sorry, M/M, Season/Series 13 Spoilers, Spoilers, please watch up to season 13
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-08
Updated: 2018-11-08
Packaged: 2019-08-20 10:34:04
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,802
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16554140
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Needle_In_A_NeedleStack/pseuds/Needle_In_A_NeedleStack
Summary: Dean doesn’t know how much Sam understands why Gabriel is taking his revenge. Dean still doesn’t know that Sam killed all the people he thought he could trust. Dean doesn’t know that Sam killed his once prom date and enjoyed it. And what Sam doesn’t know, is that Gabriel knows. That Gabriel was watching.





	I Understand

**Author's Note:**

> this was supposed to be bloody. it ended up being fluffy and sad.

Gabriel looked at the younger Winchester with a grim look on his face. The younger Winchester’s soul was so exhausted and beaten, it was amazing that the kid was still standing.

Sam Winchester did have a couple spots though of complete darkness, most of them were from the demon blood. One though, one spot really intrigued Gabriel. It was a spot that symbolises revenge. Somehow, Sam’s soul had managed to tuck it away from other angel’s prying eyes, but not much can be hidden from an archangel.

Gabriel took what little was left of his grace after his fight with Loki’s sons and let it glide towards that dark spot on Sam’s soul.

As Gabriel watched, he realized he was always more interested in the younger winchester. they were both similar, in a way that was hard to ignore. Both had been tired of the way their families functioned, or malfunctioned, and both changed how they wanted to be perceived after they had run away. But the most intriguing thing about Little Sammy Winchester was that dark spot of revenge that Gabriel was itching to learn about.

**_Eight Years ago_ **

“Sam, come on, I can feel you, scratching away in there. I’ll take the gag off, okay? You got me all wrong, kiddo.” Lucifer spoke through Sam’s mouth, “I’m not the bad guy here.”

 _“I will tear you apart from the inside. Do you understand me?”_ Sam screamed inside his mind.

“Such anger… young Skywalker.” Lucifer smirked, “Who are you really angry with? Me? or that face in the mirror?”

“I’m sure this is all just a big joke to you.”

“Not at all, I’ve been waiting for you for a long, long time. Come on, Sam. You have to admit - you can feel it, right?”

“Feel what?” Sam knew exactly what Lucifer was talking about though, he could feel it, the power, the strength, the infinite possibilities.

“The exhilaration! And you know what that is? Because we are two halves made whole! M.F.E.O. Literally.”

“This feels pretty damn far from good.”

“I’m inside your grapefruit, Sam. I can feel it all. the loneliness, feeling out of place in that ‘family’ of yours. And why shouldn’t you have? They were foster care, at best, I’m your real family.” Lucifer implored, know that Sam was beginning to fall for it.

“No, it’s not true!” Sam whispered, trying to find a grip on the situation.

“It is, and I know you know it. All those times you ran away, you weren’t running from them, you were running towards me.”

“This doesn’t have to be a bad thing, you know. Dean’s alive, I could bring your folks back too. I want you to be happy, Sam.”

“I don’t want anything from you!”

“Not even a little payback?” Lucifer said ask he turned to face the people behind him.

“What?” Sam hesitated.

“Look closely. None of these little devils look familiar to you?” Lucifer smirked.

“That’s Mr. Bensman… One of my grade school teachers.”

“And that’s your friend Doug! from your time in East Lansing.” Lucifer exclaimed, “And Rachel… your prom date.”

Sam’s mind snapped. memories flooded of these people, the ones he _trusted_ , and here they were their true identities revealed.

“Azazel’s gang watching over you since you were a rugrat. Jerking you around like a dog on a leash. I know how you feel about that. me too.” Lucifer smiled, knowing he had won, “So what do you say you and I blow off a little bit of steam.”

**_Present_ **

Gabriel left the memory and watched Sam again, Eight years had past since sam took revenge on the demons, and people, that had manipulated him, and he still held onto that little bit of darkness.

Gabriel understood, then, why Sam had been so adamant that he understood. Sam actually did understand why Gabriel wanted revenge. Loki and his sons had betrayed him, after he _trusted_ them. And now, he was going to show them what it was like to have trust broken.

Gabriel looked at Sam hoping that the trust in his eyes was conveyed to the younger Winchester.

Sam nodded slightly, as to not get Dean’s attention, and moved towards Gabriel.

“Let get you laying down so you don’t pass out standing up. Dean can you go get more first aid supplies?”

“Yeah Sam, I’ll leave you with Mr. Revenge over there. Don’t let him escape this time, either.”

Sam flinched at Dean’s words and his eyes moved towards Gabriel with a small plea to not agitate Dean anymore.

“Yeah Dean. I’ll keep an eye on myself.” Gabriel snarked “Besides, I wanna talk with Sammy over here anyway.”

Dean slammed the door behind him.

“Sam, what was that about?” Gabriel turned and gave Sam a curious look.

“After you left the bunker, when we gave you your grace back, Dean was furious. Castiel and I were supposed to look after you, but you left, not that I blame you, and we were left with the aftermath of Dean not trusting us, again.”

“Again? what do you mean again?”

“What did Asmodeus tell you about what was happening outside of Hell?”

“Not much, I heard occasionally that the world was gonna end and that kind of thing but not much detail.” Gabriel said slowly sitting down on one of the beds.

“We’ll after we put Lucifer back in the cage, thanks for your tip by the way, my soul was in hell for over a century. Cas brought my body back up, but it essentially went on a hunting spree, it didn’t sleep, it just hunted. At one point it actually killed people. My grandfather and cousins were also brought back somehow and they hunted with my body. Dean eventually came back after a vampire attacked Lisa and Ben, his girlfriend and her son. We hunted together for a little while afterwards, meanwhile Castiel was fighting a civil war in heaven against Raphael. It was such a mess, Gabriel. Dean made a deal with Death to get my soul from the cage, but there was a catch. Death would build a wall in my mind to protect it from the torture my soul endured in the cage. but I kept scratching at it. and eventually Cas, in desperation, broke the wall and I started hallucinating.”

“I ended up in a mental hospital, Gabriel. I didn’t sleep for almost three weeks. Lucifer taunted me everyday, he wouldn’t let me sleep. Eventually, Cas took him away. He always says it’s “repentance” for breaking the wall inside my head. I was fine after that, but Cas wasn’t he was out of it. Meg watched over him. Then Kevin came around and we had to save the world from leviathans. But when we did defeat the leviathan, Dean and Cas got shot into purgatory. I didn’t know what to do, I panicked, Crowley took Kevin and I just couldn’t. I stopped hunting, I stopped caring, I spent a few months working at a motel and then when I met Amelia I tried to live the normal life again but it was right. I had a dog. Then Dean came back and he was different. he barely slept, he barely ate, all he wanted to do was hunt, and find a way to get Cas.”

“Purgatory changes people. not just mentally, but physically too.” Gabriel said, grabbing Sam’s hand and squeezing.

“Gabriel, it was so bad, and when we found Cas he was different, he was being brainwashed. Naomi was controlling him and was trying to get him to kill Dean. All while I was trying to close the Gates of Hell.”

“You fucking idiot!” Gabriel hissed, “Closing the gates of hell is a death wish.”

“We didn’t know that at the time!” Sam argued back, “We thought we were doing something good. By the time we realized what the trials were doing to me, yeah the were ‘curing’ me of all my sins. But I  continued because I thought it would help the world. I got through most of the third trial before Dean tried to stop me. and then I had already made my peace with Death. Dean was the one who kept me alive without my permission. He tricked me into letting an angel, Gadreel, into my body, so that he could heal himself and me at the same time. but then he got wrapped in Metatron and killed Kevin with my hands and I didn’t even know it until Crowley got inside my head to tell me that i was being possessed by an angel.”

“I still haven’t forgiven Dean. he betrayed my trust. And I haven’t forgiven myself for killing Kevin.” Sam looked down at his hands like they were covered in blood.

“Sam, listen to me. You did not kill _anyone_. You are a victim just as much as anyone who is tricked into doing anything. Dean tricked you and doesn’t deserve your forgiveness, let alone you working with him, Gadreel deserves to sit in the cage just like Lucifer. Just for breaking you and following Metatron.” Gabriel leaned in as much as he could and grabbed Sam’s face, “You are your own person and you deserve all the world because of what you have gone through since I last saw you. You deserve all the world and more and you deserve a person who respects and understands you.”

“Like you?” Sam whispered, eyes cast away from Gabriels face, to avoid seeing his reaction.

“Oh, Sam. You deserve someone much better than me. I am what you hunt. I have skeletons in my closets and I don’t even have a home to go home to, anymore.” Gabriel whispered sadly, “You don’t want me.”

Sam looked sharply at Gabriel’s sad, caramel eyes. “Gabriel, I’ve wanted you since I saw you at Crawford Hall, almost 10 years ago. Since then, even with mystery spot, and the whole TV land thing, I had faith in you. I will always want you. And I know you understand. I may not love you, yet, but after everything I learned about you after while hunting you and after you died, I’m well on my way to loving you. I won’t force you into anything but I’m here. I understand why you want revenge. because I did. I understand what it’s like to run from your family because of the whole situation. I _understand_ what it’s like to create a new life for yourself and hide the dark past in closets. Please Gabriel, let me in.”

And with that final sentence from Sam Winchester, the Boy with the Demon Blood, Lucifer’s vessel - Gabriel whispered,

“ _Yes_ ,” and let the tears he had been holding in for millennia loose.

And Sam just held him close and let him cry.


End file.
